The first fight (Continuation of our story)

To this point, we had hurdled over meeting parents, my boys and Terry were developing a relationship. Things were going well, or so it seemed, until that dreadful day in June. Terry was playing in a golf tournament and then leaving afterwards to go to the beach with his family.

I wasn't really happy that he had planned to play and then leave because I knew that there wouldn't be time to see him. So, I did what I knew how to do best....pitch a fit.  I ranted and screamed and cried hoping he would see it my way.  No such luck, I had met my match when it came to battling of the wills.  He was even more determined than me.

So he played golf and then left for the beach, he did call me before he left, but I was giving him the silent treatment and highly determined not to back off my previous position, besides, I wanted him to know I was still angry.  I knew he was still brewing hot with anger too.

This was back in the day, before the age of cell phones, so I knew we wouldn't talk much while he was away on vacation.  However, by the end of the third day and he hadn't called, I admit, I started to wonder if my irrational behavior had run him off, but the next day he called.  Sadly, I was still very short and cold with my responses but he tried to keep the conversation upbeat and not allow the past to be brought up.

As the week passed on, I was anxiously anticipating his arrival.  When he finally got home, late in the day on Saturday, he came over to see me.  Finally, I was over my silly anger fit, but it wouldn't last long.  By the time he got ready to leave, he informed me that he wouldn't be seeing me the next day, at least not at church, because he was playing golf again.  I stewed. I tried to reign in the donkey, but this time, the donkey was coming at him full force.  (Honestly, he was probably laughing at my idiocy)  Still, I could not change his mind.  He had plans and he was sticking to them, no matter what I did or said.

So, when he left, I was angry and so was he, essentially a week had changed nothing.  Feeling extremely frustated, I decided to give him just enough time to get home and call him.  Fortunately, I calculated his trip home with almost precise accuracy and called at the right time.

Finally, after long silences and more angry words, he said something I will never forget, "I realize at some point, there will come  a day, when I have to give up some of the things I love doing; but now is not the time."  At that point, I realized that he was not only thinking ahead to our future together, but I was the one who was being selfish and unreasonable.

Lessons learned on the golf course

There are a few things that I’ve learned on the golf course with my son. Obviously the most notable would be that “I CANNOT TALK” . Now those of you who know me well understand when I say this was extremely difficult for me at first, but I’ve learned that through being silent the birds singing, the sound of the club connecting with the ball at impact, the rustling of the trees on a windy day or the hearing the squirrel scurrying through the woods can be so refreshing to the mind, both physically and emotionally. And yes, believe it or not, I can be quiet and still, sometimes for a couple of hours. (It even surprises me!)




The second thing I’ve learned is some of the common every day terms that I use are not exactly the same in golf. For instance a slice isn’t a piece of pie. It is shot in which the direction of the ball curves like a banana and it isn’t normally a shot that is hit intentionally. A hook isn’t a piece of metal used to catch or hold something, rather it is for the right-handed golfer a right to left ball flight that will some cases give the golfer an advantage, especially when it’s a controlled “draw”. It is also used by some golfers to escape trouble and unlike the slice, a hook is an intentional shot.



I have also learned that golf isn’t any easy sport. Every shot in golf counts and boy, do they add up quickly! I have watched Alex go through periods where he has hit the ball well and I have watched him struggle to even get the ball to the green. I have seen putts skim the hole and lip out. I have seen chip shots that fly the green. I have seen periods of deep anguish and frustration for him and I’ve seen periods of exuberance and excitement. But what I have witnessed at all times, is that he does not quit. He does not give up, sometimes he does defeat himself when he’s playing poorly. But he keeps counting the shots and he finishes. It may not be the finish he hoped for, but he completes his round and removes his hat and shakes hands with others in his group.



Another quality that I have seen in Alex is his undying commitment to his sport. He practices continuously, even during the times he doesn’t feel like it’s getting him anywhere. He is diligent about making an effort to get out and try. He has a very strong work ethic when it comes to his passion.

Which brings me to the point of this blog. In life sometimes it is necessary for us to be quiet and still while waiting for God to show us what He wants us to do. Sometimes we are going to mishit and mess up, maybe intentionally or not intentionally, but we’re going to mess up. There will be times of flourishing and there will be times of famine, but we don’t have to throw the towel in and give up. We just keep playing until the round is over and we don’t allow the disappointment of one bad round affect the outcome of the next. We move on and when we don’t feel like moving on we ask God to give us the dedication and commitment we need to keep the passion of following Him, regardless of whether it feels like we’re making progress or not. Let’s face it life is hard, but we don’t have to face it alone!