At this point I am not really sure what title to give this blog, maybe by the end something will surface. It's been awhile since my last blog and a lot of hiccups have deterred me from writing. Oh, I've started about 18 different blogs but not finished 1. Maybe I do have ADD (at least that's what my son Alex keeps telling me) and cannot complete one thought before another pops into my head.
There are a few things I have on my mind today (notice I did say a few, which indicates more than 1) That I would like to share:
First I would like for you all to know that the diagonsis of high-grade prostate cancer for my dad, Ned, has definitely thrown me for loop. It has resurfaced for me emotions that I thought were dead or non-existent. I guess I spent so much time, energy and effort trying to conceal them, I didn't think anything would bring them back. Boy was I wrong!! They came like the release of a dam pent-up for years.
Without devulging too much or boring you immensly, let's just say as a 7 year old watching my daddy die with cancer left bitter wounds on my heart that were never really healed. In fact, to tell the truth, I still have a long, long way to go!
As a result of the wounds left on my heart, I have missed some enormous opportunities of blessings that God had planned for me. ( Don't get me wrong here, I haven't missed them all because I have been and I am abundantly blessed by God ) What I am saying is that I cannot go backwards and receive those blessings or missed opportunites, but I can move forward and with each passing day give thanks to God for what He has done thus far and what He will continue to do.
The one thing I have learned to do, recently is to ask him simply for "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." ( Oh, and by the way those are some powerful lyrics from "Great is thy Faitfulness") The song itself was written based off the scripture in Lamentations 3:22-23 22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"
So why after all of these years, 36 to be exact, are those wounds resurfacing? They are wounds that were never healed. You see, when a wound has been carefully taken care and all the junk and possible infection has been cleaned out; it is then bandaged or stitched up in order to heal. Scars just leave a mark on you as a reminder of what happened. While wounds, if left unattended, can become poisonous and sometimes deadly. That's why...God in his wisdom and mercy knew that my wounds were never healed because I never allowed him to clean out the crap and close it up for healing to begin.
The point is: God wants His absolute best for me and He wants to take the tragedy I had as a child and turn it into a triumph for His glory, because that's just what He does. I just had to be willing to allow Him the opportunity.
I've still got a long way to go...but rest assured His mercies are new every day.
