There is an old saying: "You can't really understand another person's experience until you've walked a mile in their shoes." Several times over the past few months I've found myself saying this to someone or even myself.
Due to the choices that I have made in life, I have quite a sordid past and I have experienced a lot. Yes, I have a dirty past (go dig it up if you want) In fact, my past is a daily reminder to me of God's grace and mercy, which by the way is new and fresh every day. (Lam 3:22-23) Through my experiences God has blessed me with the opportunity to encourage others, not focusing on the past but focusing on the rich goodness of God.
One of the most challenging and difficult decisions of my life came sometime in the winter of 1992, the writing had been on the wall for many months, if not years, I just didn't want to do it. After seeking wise and Godly counsel, I realized that I really didn't have a choice. This could be the final game changer, it could go either way, but it had to be done. It was up to me to take the next step and trust God for the outcome.
I made the call and set the appointment. I went to the appointment after struggling through prayer all night. I literally lay on the floor the entire evening and begged God to save my marriage. I slept very little but I awoke with great anticipation that he would call me before my appointment and tell me that we would try to work things out. (Guess you can tell I'm a dreamer)
Reluctantly I got in my car and remeber very little of the drive there because I spent the entire 15 minutes begging and pleading with God to interrupt my meeting and not allow this to happen. He didn't. So I proceeded to meet the lawyer, explain the details of our separation and ask him to draw up the paperwork.
During the course of our meeting there were two questions he asked me which I will never forget.
"Is there any chance that he will contest this divorce? What exactly do you deserve from him?"
The answer to the first question was pretty obvious, "No."
The second question for me didn't take much thought either, "All I want is full custody of my boys and support for them. That's all he needs to give me. I don't care about anything else."
Once our meeting was over, I calmly signed the necessary documents and left the office. The drive home, I will never forget. After carrying such a heavy burden for months on end and having spent the majority of the night as well as the time leading up to the appointment in anguish, God in his mercy and love released me. I remember driving down 5th Ave, when suddenly there was an overwhelming sense of peace. The anguish in my heart subsided and if felt as if 100 pounds were lifted off my shoulders.
Now, don't get me wrong on this point. God's word tells us that, "God hates divorce" Mal 2:10, however, due to the hardness of man's heart,(Matt 19:7-8) God permits divorce.
The reason for my story here is two-fold, first to understand that we do not know what burdens or anguish another soul carries unless we are in their situation. Nor can we make assumptions that we know "what we would do" if we were in a their situation.
My second purpose is to encourage those who are going through separation/divorce to let you know that God can use you as much as you will allow. You can do anything He has called you to do(Phil 4:13) and just because you are divorced it doesn't mean he loves you less. Truth is, if you belong to Christ, then we are "God's workmanship". (Eph 2:10)
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